HOT SEAT MONDAY IS HERE AGAIN - Meet Lailan Florence Onyeike
So sorry our interview is coming so late.
Today we have with us a wonderful Lailan. Ladies and gentlemen, it's my pleasure to welcome Lailan Florence Onyeike on our hot seat!
TILB: Hello FlorenceFlorence: Hello dear
TILB: Welcome to Hot Seat Mondays, let's meet you
Florence: I am Florence Chizurum Onyeike, am from Ngo-Okpala in Imo state, Ist of six children,
TILB: Ngo-opkala, those people that use to give people ten pages of marriage list ?
Florence: [laughs] noooo, my people are very good people
TILB: Okay, so tell me what you have done academically?
Florence: I studied Nursing B.Sc university of Jos. I graduated in the year 2012
TILB: Okay, are you working or self employed?
Florence: Yea, am working
TILB: So where do you work?
Florence: I work at the Nigerian Turkish hospital here in Abuja, I am actually based here in Abuja
TILB: Okay, so tell me more about yourself, about your childhood, What was growing up like?
Florence: Growing up was kind of fun but guided, my dad was a very discipline man, my father was a very strict man and made sure that we stick to our book all the time, because you can go less than being the first person in the class, he will be like those taking the first position do they have two heads and all that, so we just have to like actually work hard, then our sitting room was always locked up so that we can read so no watching of TV except weekends,
Then secondary school was the same. He was always teaching us to be the best, actually my nursery to secondary school, i had no option than to always take the first position until I got to senior secondary school, That was the same school Laila went to in Abia state, the school was full of the best brains so omo i did not see first position o, i no even near am for that school o [laugh]. I was like hei, my dad will kill me, and in that school you just have to pass the five science subjects and then other four subjects, and my dad being a discipline man, i cant stay in that state, i just have to run away so that was how i ended up going to the university of Jos.
TILB: So how many siblings do you have, five right ?
Florence: Yes five, two other girls and three boys
TILB: I have had beautiful stories about the weather in Jos, so tell me your own experience
Florence: The weather is just awesome especially from November to February, we just have chills, the weather is just very lovely, and another thing is that food is very cheap there, Accommodation is also cheap there so anywhere you stay there you will just be rest assured that no matter how little you earn or whether you are working or a student, yo definitely will be okay there
TILB: So Florence what are your core values, what are those qualities that define you as a lady
Florence: I love being respectful and i really appreciate it if people respect me in return. I'm a very jovial person but i don’t like my jokes to be misinterpreted, i don’t normally interact with many people cause they will end up misinterpreting it, so i like staying on my own except if the person gets to know me very well, i will then be like ehen this is now the new Florence that you know before.
Sometimes, am mostly an introvert and don’t interact with people so that they don’t misinterpret me because some people will be like this girl is a snub, she doesn’t talk to people but am not like that, people that know me very well know that am a very jovial person and that i play a lot so since i don’t like people misinterpreting me i just respect myself and be on my own.
TILB: Okay, that is a definition of respect and that you know what you are doing
TILB: So, tell me, what is the craziest thing you have done in your life
Florence: Nooo i have never like done anything and tag it being a crazy thing, but i remember the craziest thing i have done was to slap a soldier
TILB: What?! You slapped a soldier? Please tell me I want to hear
Florence: it happened in Jos, i was going to school with one of my friend, close to the school gate the guy just slapped my back, haha i didn’t even know i just turned and my hand was already on his check and i knew if i apologize, he may get angry, so i just started shouting at him. That why would you even slap me, are you okay, are you stupid, do you know i can report you for harassment? Then the guy started apologizing and saying sorry madam, and when this was happening my friend had already ran into the school before they will beat the two of us up.
When i got to the classroom, she was like haa what happened, i was like were you thinking the guy will beat me, nooo, i know my right, n i have a friend that grew up in military background, so i know their codes of conduct and all that, even though i knew i was somehow wrong to have slapped him but its something i did involuntarily. I didn’t even know when i slapped him, so i was like Omo, God save me o if this guy just wipe me , i just thanked ma luck sha
TILB: Waooo. That was a close one
TILB: So tell me Florence, what do you consider the highest point of your life, what are your biggest achievements in life?
Florence: My highest achievement, well I have not gotten to that now but well so far so good I will say getting my B.Sc and working was one of the best i have ever done for myself. And getting a job, and i say that because i know many people that have their masters n B.sc and all that.
I lost my dad in 2010 and I was in my 300 level then and it was very stressful for me then, at a point when i lost my dad i was about writing my exams. I just told myself that girl, i am not writing this exams again cos i was very close to my dad.
Infact, he was the only person in the house that knew what am doing, cos i will be in school and want to go for holidays and i will call him and tell him that i want to go to so so place and that i will stay for 3days and if am coming back, i will call him and tell him. I wont tell my mum.
Everybody in the house will be surprised to see me except him and he knows all the future plans I have cos i always tell him that dad i will do this in 3years or 5years time.
So when he passed on, i just felt demoralized and nothing was cheering me up at all but God really helped me. There was crisis in jos then, the school was closed down and they couldn’t write the exam again, so my mum started calling people to tell me to go back to school but i told them i wasn’t going that the only person am studying for and encouraging me was no more.
It took the effort of one of my friend, his name is George Tony, he called me and said i should come to Abuja n my mum knows i respect him so she confided in him. When i got to Abuja he carried me straight to to the school and i was like what is all this and he said what do you think your dad will be doing now that you said you cant go to school again? That means you cant live without him and i said yes i cant. So he said i just have to do it so that anywhere he is he will smile and said i did this without him.
Thank God i did it and i graduated with good grade, i think i was among the three best students when i was graduating.
TILB: I'm sorry to hear about your father’s death. So tell me, will that translate to the lowest point in your life ?
Florence: Erm, no, let me say the lowest point in my life was when i lost my dad cos i practically gave up on everything including God. I will not lie to you cos then I even stopped going to church, imagine I will wake up everyday n I will say haa God am still alive, abeg take me joor, what naa. I said so many things i wasn’t supposed to say then cos i wasn’t in a good state of mind but i have asked him for forgiveness sha and i believed he has forgiven me
TILB: I am happy that you came out of it, I know what it feels like, its not easy.
Florence: I have not fully recovered because sometimes i may just stay awake and there are things i will want to do and i will like hei how i wish my dad was here i would have asked him what would i have done because he was like my adviser.
And when i think about that, i will just start crying. There was a day i couldn’t sleep at night i was just crying all through the night and one of my friends on whatsapp saw me online and called me and he was like why are you awake by this time, i didn’t even say anything and he said you are crying, and i told him i was crying because of my dad but he consoled me and told me to try get over it.
I didn’t sleep until 6 in the morning. At a friend's wedding, I saw her daddy walking her down the aisle and it suddenly dawned on me that there will be no daddy to walk me down on my wedding day. I didn’t know when i started crying and people were looking at me. I don’t think this is something i can get over in a long time to come.
TILB: Ok enough of the bad memories. When are you getting married?
Florence: (laughs) i don’t even know what to say, (Laughs) it's only Laila that knows this part of my life
TILB: Well Lailans want to know now cos we are family and we care. It's the hot seat and you don’t have much of an option but to spill it.
Florence: Well you may have seen some posts on the blog about me appreciating someone. Well, I was actually in a relationship and the guy stays in Jos and I was at Abuja.
We were engaged and planning to get married. We have already engaged and he has met my family with his people. A date has been fixed only for me to hear that he got a random lady pregnant and couldn’t even let me know.
So people were telling me and I later found out it was true and our wedding was just a few months away. I kept my cool believing he may have a good reason. I waited for him to tell me but he didn't and instead continued the wedding preparations like nothing happened. That was when I knew he wasn’t the right man.
A good man may still make such mistakes but will definitely not keep it from you and his conscience. One day, we had a little misunderstanding and tempers rose, that was when he blurted it out. I laughed. He was shocked because he had wanted to see me break down and cry. I left him.
This happened around February and I called Laila and she couldn’t believe her ears because at a point she got to know him. She advised me to save my heart first before thinking of anything else. when he came begging, I told him to his face that I can't trust him any more.
How can you get a woman pregnant and still have the nerves to keep it from me. I told him that I cant go through that and was grateful that God showed me the way out because I still believe very much in love. I did not allow his actions to make me give up on love.
TILB: So when Are you getting married?
Florence: Definitely, I am open now searching for the best. I must have to make a choice someday though but i really have to take my time and determine how my next relationship move so I don’t make the same mistakes again but definetly I would be married before 2018.
TILB: Describe your ideal man
Florence: (laughs) I don’t want anybody to tongue lash me like they did the other lailan. The young Doctor who was trolled for his wife material requirements. (laughs)
Anyway, He must be hardworking. He must have the fear of God, He must be a neat guy. I love neat guys and guys who can cook . cos i remember way back when my mum was heavily pregnant and wanted to give birth to our first boy, my dad had to cook and he made yam porridge. I will never forget that day. My daddy was a terrible cook. (laughs) he just boiled yam and removed the water and just poured oil into it, no salt no nothing he just turned the thing and gave us.
When he brought out the food We started crying that day. It wasn’t funny so I want my man to know how to cook so my kids wont have the same experience when i am indisposed. I told my daddy that i want marry a man with his cooking skills. That was the only thing he didn't know how to do. He was a good husband and I didn’t ever see him quarrel or raise his voice on my mum.
The only time I remember my mum cry for him was when he traveled and didn’t come home when he was supposed to because of his job. That was the only time I ever saw my mum cry. I envy them honestly apart from his terrible cooking skill. That's what I want.
TILB: As an Igbo girl, Can you marry from any tribe?
Florence: Yes apart from Hausa. I can marry from any tribe
TILB: So what would this special man look like?
Florence: (laughs) It’s funny and weird. There is this bad thing about me. I know am not God oo but there is bad something about me. When I meet a man, I look at their dentition and nails. Some things like that turns me off in a guy. I don’t like guys with bad dentition and unkempt nails. You see some guys and they eat their fingernails and the thing will look just like half fingernail. I hate that thing ehh..so if I just see that its not me and you but I know that its not good to judge people based on that
TILB: What will you bring to the table when a Lailan marries you?
Florence: I will be in my best behaviour. The normal me that is calculated calm and stubborn
TILB: Are you a good cook and can you cook for your man?
Florence: Yes I am a very good cook and i will happily cook for my man and over feed him. Infact she should be ready to have pot belly but I will also send him to the gym
TILB: Do you identify as a feminist
Florence: I am not an extremist but I hate to hear that any woman is maltreated
TILB: Do you buy the idea that a woman should be under a man
Florence: A woman should not be under a man. A woman is a helpmate and not a subordinate. God didn’t make a woman to be under a man per say. God made women to assist not to be under. She has be respectful and understanding and do what her husband wants. The ones that are right in the eyes of God oo
TILB: I want to delve into your mind. Whats your opinion on sex before marriage?
Florence: I don’t advise it but it still falls back to the same people who are in the relationship. I was actually gisting with a friend yesterday and he was talking abouyt premarital sex and the importance but i told him that if I am going into any relationship with any guy, sex will have to come only after marriage. My father told me that he met my mum a virgin and that he only took her virginity after paying her bride prize and that was partly responsible for the respect and deep love that existed between them. I tend to toe that path. That is the manual
TILB: What happens when people with sexual issues hide under no sex before marriage to lead people into a life of sorrow and regret
Florence: That is not going to happen to me
TILB: Whats your honest opinion on the Chris Oyakhilome divorce saga?
Florence: I am a member of believers love world and I think Pastor Anita was wrong. When you marry a man and have been married to them for over 20 years, you should be able to put your house in order.
She knew she married a man who belongs to God and to the people. I do not believe in divorce and will never advise it. I will never leave my marriage unless its gets into life threatening physical abuse. Anita divorced Pastor Chris and not vice versa.. Pastor Anita over reacted. They could have worked it out without undue publicity. When thing start happening like this, you must use wisdom
TILB: Do you advocate abortion in a case of rape?
Florence: I was once a victim and its not what I will wish on my worst enemy but when such a thing happens, having the baby will end up being a constant reminder of the horrible past. The bible is against murder so i will advise any rape victim to visit the doctor immediately to flush her system.
TILB: What led you to Lailasblog?
Florence: I don’t remember but its likely to be from google. I was just a reader and I don’t comment until a few years ago that I started commenting
TILB: What is different about Lailasblog
Florence: Its like family. Everybody accommodates each other and real and true friendships has been forged on that blog. Its not like in other blogs where everybody behaves bitterly. And Laila calls her readers and celebrates them on birthdays, holiday and then the giveaways too
TILB: Do you have a crush on any blog reader
TILB: Do you admire anybody?
Florence: yes Anwuli Oputa. I love that lady. I just love how cool she is. She don’t abuse anybody unlike Willie Willie that will harass everybody (laughs) abeg make she no attack meooo I no get strength
TILB: On the blog, Who would you marry, Kiss and beef
Florence: I will slap and beat up the stone, I will marry south eastern and I will give Anwuli a very big peck. I love Anwuli but I wont kiss her oo so they don’t send me away for 14 years
TILB: If we were to have a blog readers weekend getaway, Would you like to attend?
Florence: Hmmmm. Nobody should try it without me. I still have not forgiven Laila for coming to Abuja and not calling me. If I am not in the weekend getaway. There will be trouble oo. I must be there
TILB: Any last word for Lailans
Florence: I love you all
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